Live Unashamed

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Do you really know what unashamed means? It means expressed or acting openly and without guilt or embarressment. Do we live for Christ unashamed? Sometimes, if I'm being honest I do not. 

When I was younger, I wasn't scared. I was fearless. I would dance, I would sing, I would do anything for Christ in public. Then, something changed. I had shame. I had shame from a porn addiction. I had shame from self harm. I had shame from an eating disorder. 

The shame created this hidden girl that was afraid to live for Christ. Because the enemy uses shame for just that. W e are not good enough for Christ and He doesn't want us. 

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When that is the complete opposite. 

When we got to Christ, He frees us from our shame. He rids us from our shame. 

When we fully run to Christ, we can feel the freedom to live unashamed. I fully think we should live for Him unashamed. Christ died for us in public, why hide Him in public? 

I don't know how you will do it. For me, it is dancing in public and singing. For me it is acting like a complete crazy person filled with joy. For you maybe, it's speaking about Jesus.

Whatever you do, live unashamed. Don't be afraid to be you. 

Thanks for reading this! Don't forget to read the devotional from today too! Follow my social meadis below! 

You Are Confident

So, lately I have been noticing the way I treat things. 

When new things come my way, I either lose confidence or just say I can't do that. But, today my views kind of changed. Like, yes it's hard, new things are always hard. But, since when can I not do something?

Sometimes we say we can't do them becuase we don't want to lose. But, losing isn't a bad thing. It's a learning experience. 

So, today I was at the gym listening to Steven Furtick, because that's how you get more confident in yourself. 

I was reminded that Christ is in me and I am confident. When we are truly walking in freedom knowing who we are in Christ, we can be confident knowing we can do it. 

You are strong. You are smart. You are kind. When God is on your side there is nothing you can't do.

You are so loved, friend.

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His Promises.

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I haven't blogged in a while, and to be honest it's because I haven't been inspired. But, I was reading Joshua 24 yesterday, and something hit me. 

"Not one of His promises has failed."

And I really feel like, at least for me, I fail a lot. So, I get in this mood, "why should I try to go after my calling when I know I'll fail." 

But, why do I think the God who never fails, will start with me? He won't fail.  And if we are following Him, He will fulfill our calling. We don't have to worry about failing.

And if we happen to fail a little bit, God will pick us up and continue to fulfill His plan.

The truth is, we have the power that raised Jesus back to life living inside of us. There is literally nothing stopping us other than our fear.

And, I know.

Anxiety is real. Depression is real. Addiction is real. But, so is Jesus. 

Walk in freedom knowing that Jesus is there. Walk in your calling knowing God has not failed once and we can rest in Him. There is no reason to have fear when we have the never failing God living inside of us. 

Let that sink in. 

"...none of the good promises the Lord your God made to you has failed. Everything was fulfilled for you; not one promise has failed." Joshua 23:14

Worship.

This last week I was thinking a lot about worship. 

This last week, was pretty exhausting. I worked 5 days in a row, 12 hours a day. So, the enery I had to really sit and read the Bible was at, like -1%.

But, I had a talk to myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself to read the Bible daily. Like, if I don't read the Bible, I am a dissappointment to God. 

But, do you think God wants me to half read the Bible? 

When you are tited, stop putting pressure on yourself to spend time with God. Just relax. God doesn't want to force us to spend time with Him. Just sit. Turn on some worship music and sit with Him.

I don't know if you know this, but God is everywhere. He isn't just in the church. He isn't just in your space where you spend time with Him. Take Him with you. Take Him to school. Take Him to work. He's already there. 

He just wants to hang out with you. 

 Worship Him today. 

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3 Years.

I feel so bad about not blogging the past month, but honestly that's okay. 

The past week I was dealing with temptations with my porn addiction, because well I felt lonely. And that's okay. God forgave me and His love is more powerful than anything in this world. 

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So, I'm writing this on my three years clean from self harming, which I celebrated by getting a new tattoo. (duh) And I can not be more amazed by my confidence to get it in my handwriting, makes it that more special. The words love and hope is something that I would always write on my wrists when I was going through my self harming addiction, so I can not be more grateful. 

Now, this is being uploaded on my three years of giving my life back to Christ. And that's the story I want to share. 

I remember sitting on my floor. I was holding, yet again a safety pin. I was ready just to say forget it, there's no point in trying to stay clean. Then, I got inspired to make a cross, in my room. I put it up and started writing verses and what God thought about me on it. I kneeled down and looked at it. 

Truth is, I knew deep down inside I could not stay clean without Christ. I knew I needed help. 

So, I reached out. I honestly believe if I did not reach out to Christ that day, I would not have gotten this far. I still have trouble today. Just because you are clean, doesn't mean you don't crave it sometimes. It's hard. It's hard seeing scars on someone. Because, sometimes I miss it. That's weird, I know.

But, sometimes I just feel so depressed, that I miss it. 

I once read a book, that I completely lost, but I remember this quote. "I may not be self harming, but I'll always be a self harmer." I always have to check myself. I sometimes pull my hair. I sometimes dig my nails into my skin. I sometimes bite the inside of my mouth. These may seem like nervous habits, nut in reality they could be considered a fill in. I'm not saying, I am not actully clean. I'm saying God is here, and He is cheering me on and always on my side.

The day that happened exactly three years ago, when I decided to drop the safety pin and reach out to Christ was one of the best moments in my life. 

Addictions are hard. I have had several. My self harm addiction. My eating disorder. My porn addiction. But, I can tell you, that God walked with me in all of them. If I reached out to Him or not, He was there. I can honestly tell you, the walking in your addiction with Christ is a lot easier without Christ. 

I'm not saying that you will be able to cut it out right away. 

The past three years, my porn addiction still went on. 

The addiction won't go away. But, God won't leave you. 

Lean to Him. And I promise you will start to crave Him and His word more than your addiction. 

Friend, you are so loved. 

And I just want to add, happy one year to www.playoninfinity.com! It's been so fun to have a place to write my thoughts. 

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God's Love

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The past few days, or the past week, God has just been challenging me. 

First, in 2018 my biggest goal is to read the whole Bible all the way through, let's just say in the past week I have read 29 chapters. I don't like to read. But, It has been teaching me a lot. 

Second, something that I have been doing is getting really into my worship music in the morning. And I mean getting up and having a dance party in the morning. Just because, God's grace is amzing and worth dancing about, am I right?

And lastly, I spoke about the porn addiction I once had. And I've spoke about it before in 2017, but this time, I did it without fear. Because in all honestly, people can think what they want to think, but God will always see me as loved.

Friends, this blog post isn't about how great my life is right now. It's about how much God loves you. 

Like, He loves you with no strings attached. He walks with you in your addictions. When I was stuck in my porn addiction, He looked at me with love and grace. There is nothing that I could have done to stop His love. When He looked at me, He saw Jesus taking the price. 

God is crazy about you. More than you think. It doesn't matter what you have done, or what you will do. He will never stop chasing after you. You are His child. You are His beloved. There is nothing else to it. 

God is love.

He is in love with you, friend.

I posted this on Instagram this past week, a cover of "Oh, How He Loves." Something that I love to do, is change the words. "Oh, how He loves us," to "Oh, how He loves me." Because, wow, He loves His church. But, He loves you. He loves me. 

Try it. See how things change.

He loves you friend. There's nothing else to it. 

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"New Year, New Me."

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It's January 2nd. The second day of 2018. 

So, let me guess, you passed by a fast food place and gt some so you failed right? 

After reading several "New Year, New Me" posts, I'm sure you made one too and everything you wrote, you either didn't mean, or you failed. It's always so stressful to start a new year, or even a new day with an attitude like that. Even if it's positive, you want to change to better you. But, it can be stressful.

So, I really hope you are staying on your diet, like I'm trying too... But, I do want to give you some encouragement. 

When we accept Christ into our life, we are a new person. We may not look any different, but we are a new creation. And sadly, sometimes the next day doesn't change. We may fall back into our old sins again. But, that doesn't change who we are, who we bacame. We are still forgiven. Now, we may just have a gut feeling that we did something really wrong. 

So, just because the first day of the year, you messed up already, it doesn't reflect who you are or how the rest of the year will go. I always have to remind myself that, everytime I slip up, taht mistake is not me. Just like the mistakes you make are not you.

So, with all this "New Year, New Me" going around, let's remember that we do not need to stress out over New Years Resolutions, and instead we can fall into God's grace that will be there day after day. 

So, this year, remember to breathe. Rember to take it day by day. Remember to love others, love yourself, and most importantly love Jesus.

You are so loved, and 2017 does not define who you are. Move forward, friend. 

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Thank you so much for reaading this! I took a little break from blogging, but I'm back! I pray 2018 is a good year for you, always here to pray and to love you.

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Find Your Thing.

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I don't know about you, but do you ever get those moments where you have these feelings you can't describe to anyone, because they just won't understand?

When I was in high school, I was in color guard. I was in color guard for a really long time in fact, middle school through high school. It's funny how I got into it, Ijust missed the drill team try out and my best friend at the time got mad at me. But, missing the drill team try out so I can try out for the "lame flag thing" was the best mistake I ever made. 

But anyways, there was this feeling I got after getting a toss that I have been practicing for weeks. It was the best feeling. So much joy and freedom all mixed together. When high school ended, I never thought I would feel that again. Color guard, it was my thing, my passion, the only thing I was good at. Which, is still kinda true. I say kinda, because God has shown me, I have many talents. But, color guard is still important to me.

This feeling though. I felt it again. I felt it when I finally got to the top of a really hard climb. But, I get it when I write. I get it when I find out something new about God. And I never noticed that. 

This feeling, it gets you excited. It encourages you to keep going. Because, you are in love with this thing and it is your passion. And sadly, sometimes we can't do it for a living. But, you just wish you could. 

I want to encourage you today. That whatever it is that makes you excited. Whatever makes your heart skip a beat. Do it. Chase that dream. Face your fears. God has given you some amazing talents. Don't let them go to waste. 

Whatever God has given you, use it. Use it to glorify His name, friend. 

Thank you so much for reading this! If you liked it, send it to a friend or two. 

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Rainbow.

Dear Jesus,

I lift up everyone who has clicked on this blog. Everyone that was led to read this, open their eyes, speak to them. Speak through my words, Lord Jesus. You are good and their is no one like you. And I just life up who ever came to this blog hurting today that You would just wrap Your arms around them and show them Your love today, Lord. You are good and we all need more of you.

Amen.

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Hi friend! I took a two week break from blogging and came back and had no idea what to blog. The book I am writting is almost done, one more chapter and I am so... well, stuck. But, I have a story to tell. It's about Sunday night. I have felt so lost and lonely lately, knowing that moving was God's plan for me and writing is God's plan for me, but feeling so hopeless at the moment. But, can I share a cool moment? 

So, Sunday night, I have been going to two churches praying about which one I should make my church home. I got my answer. I went to The Belonging on Sunday and I have been every other Sunday. I have to work every other weekend and The Belonging has a 7pm service. Perfect! 

So, I went in, rushing as always because my job is 19 minutes away. But, I sat down and this girl came and sat next to me. She told me her name, but I honestly couldn't hear because the music was so loud. (but, I asked her when the service was over and her name is Ruby! Hi Ruby, let's be friends.) Anyways, worship at this church always takes me back to summer camp days in high school because they are so powerful. So, we finish the last song and Ruby looks to me and starts speaking. 

(I don't remember exactly what she said, so bare with me. Also, I was crying my eyes out because I couldn't help it. Always a mess...)

"I just have to tell you what I saw when you were worshipping. I know that it wasn't just a thing that I sat next to you, it was for a reason. And I feel like God wanted me to tell you this. I saw you like at the end of the rainbow. I saw you like on top. The God has promised you something, but things keep getting in the way like what people have said or what you have said, but God is working. And God wants to fulfill His promise to you. I just saw you at the end of the rainbow so happy."

I literally just thought she was in my brain at this moment. She had no clue what I am going through right now. And it's crazy.

Then the sermon. Okay. First, their was a guest preacher, Jordan Rubin. If you haven't heard of him, go right now, look him up. He shared his story of faith and reminded me how important it is to have faith. You have to have faith that God will do the thing that He wants to do through you. Imagine the thing. Don't imagine being hurt. Because, as Jordan Rubin said we put our faith in things like fear, not God. 

Put your faith in God. Because, God will use you. He specializes in the broken things, because He knows how to put them back together. 

So, I don't know what you're gong through right now, but I didn't ask for any of this on Sunday night. And you may not be asking for any crazy God moments either. But, God knows us, and He knows exactly what we need to find purpose again. Because He is always fighting for us. He is always looking for us. He is not finished with us yet. Never lose hope. Imagine yourself on top. Imagine yourself on the other side of the rainbow. Don't be scared. God will fulfill His promise to you. 

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I trust." Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestlence, H eshall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your sheild and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day, nor of the prestilence that walks in darkness, nor the destruction that lays waste at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; but it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes you shall look, and see the reward of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, even the Most High your dwelling place. No evil shall befall you, nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; for He shall give you His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon a lion and the cobra, the young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. "Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliverhim and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him My salvation."

Psalm 91

Thank you for reading this, and if somehow Ruby is reading this, thank you for being so bold to have Jesus speak through you. You have no idea how much I needed to hear those words. 

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God Knew

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God knew.

He knew the first time I was going to look up porn.

He knew the first time I would cut myself.

He knew the first time I would skip a meal.

He knew the first time I would hurt someone and make them feel bad for who they are.

He knew that I would have anxiety and depression.

He knew that I would make friends who would bring me down.

He knew that I would have idols.

He knew all my sins, before I was tempted. But, He didn't stop them from happenening. I think that's our question all the time. Is why didn't God stop it, we wouldn't have our pain. It makes since. If God is good, why didn't He stop our sin?

God, He is a God of love. He doesn't make us love Him. It's our choice. Our sin hurts us, and breaks His heart. But, He isn't going to stand in the way. He will let us decide. But, He knew.

I want to shine a light on this though.

He knew that I would be open to talk about ladies struggling with pornography.

He knew that I would one day encourage someone struggling with self harm.

He knew that my body would heal and I would become healthy.

He knew that I would learn from what I did wrong and I would never want to hurt someone again.

He knew that my anxiety and depression would move me to create PlayOnInfinity.

He knew that one day I would see what friends I had and that I would get strength from Him to find better friends. 

He knew that my idols would become nothing to me, and He would become everything to me.

He knows what sin and pain we go through before we go through it, but He also knows how He is going to use that very thing to bring us closer to Him. We have a powerful story because of the things we have been through. They weren't fun. But, when we struggle, we see the beauty of God more and more. 

See your story. See why God didn't stop you. See His never ending love for you. 

Thank you so much for reading this. If God spoke to you, send it to a friend. // to follow my social medias, YouTube, what I am a rep for, how to support me, and getting updates on my blog, click the link below. 

 

 

 

The Rock On Which I Stand

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So, I did something.

I started going to the gym. But, not just any old clasic gym, a rock climbing gym. And let me tell you, it is pretty crazy.

First, I am terrified of heights. Like, really scared. But, I am getting really excited to to start getting over this fear and trying new things.

Second, I have no upper arm strength whats so ever. I mean, I used to because of color guard, but I have not spun any equipment in so long. So, my arms are feeling... well... good...

But, here I am telling you all I am trying new things and getting over my fears. I want to encourage you all to get over your fears. 

You know what fear does? It causes you to have faith. God is a rock. He won't move and He won't hurt you. He won't play games with your hert and if He tells you to go for something, go for it. Don't let what your fear is telling you stop you from doing something amazing. 

You are amazing.

You want to know the main thing why people aren't speaking boldly and spreading God's love? Fear. Fear of not being cool or being of being an outcast. Don't be scared. God is a rock. He won't move and He is always with you.

I feel like rock climbing is really making me think about trust and faith and how important it is when we are believers. If I don't have trust in the rope, than I won't climb because I will probably fall on my face. If I don't have faith in myself that I can do a move on the wall, than I'll fall and if I don't trust my fall, than I'll probably be glued to the wall.

So, try something new. Go tell your friends about Jesus. Go move. Fear has no control over you, faith is everything and will always win fear. 

Let God move through you.

Go. Be you. Be fearless.

I have been giving shout outs every blog and this week it goes to a sweet soul, Ally! She is such  a sweet friend and I love her bunches! She has a blog and you should read it!

If this spoke to you in anyway, send it to a friend.

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What Are You Serving?

Let me get this off my chest for a second, sometimes I serve fame. I want likes on instagram and my blog. Even though I'm doing it for good, to get Christ's name out for the broken, sometimes I am guilty of wanting fme more than God.

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So, here it goes.

What are you serving? It could be anything.

Fame? Money? Drugs? What are you selling your life for.

The ending of our lives, Christ isn't going to look at our fame, or money, or what drugs we didd to fit in. He is going to look at our heart. Did we live for Him. Or did we not. What are you living for? 

Are you living for your friends approval? Do you want your friends to be your friends because you buy them food all the time because you have so much money? Here's a news flash, you have approval from Christ. And you don't need any other approval.

I just finished Acts, and it was really good. And here's what I saw in Paul. He was bold. He did not sit down and wait for other people to speak about God. He was thrown in jail multiple times because of his preaching. But, he didn't care. He was not going to stop what God called him to do. Not for fame, money, or friendships. 

What are you building in your mansion?

I want to challenge you this week. It's Tuesday. This week, I want you to follow Christ. I want you to listen what He wants you to do. I want you to listen to what He wants you to give up. It may be hard to listen, so you might want to open your Bible. 

Be bold about your faith. Know what you are serving. 

Are you serving God? Or yourself? 

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another in love."

Galatians 5:13

I started giving shout outs to people who support me and this blog // today my shout out goes to a sweet soul, founder of daughters of the deep (which I some for!!), Cassandra Gay.

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Let God Work

Right now, most of my prayers are asking God to work. To work through me.

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I've  been going through Acts, and I love Paul. I love the way he speaks and how bold he is. He isn't afraid of getting thrown in jail for speaking about Christ. He just wants to speak about His Savior. Isn't that wonderful? 

I believe we all need to be more like Paul. I believe we all need to be more confident and bold. Be bold. Seek Jesus. Be with Jesus. Be bold enough to speak about Him when there is so much evil in this world. 

Being bold, starts with being confident. I beleive they have the same meanings. But, confidence, I believe is not only having confidence in you, but having a confidence in God. Trusting that He will work and He can work through you. Having the confidence in God that He is God and He is in control. Also, having the confidence in God that He is good, and He is always good. Having the confidence, that even a no from God, is good. He is always good.

We also need confidence in ourselves. Rembering that we are fearlessly and wonderfully made and God loves us. He loves us more thn anything. And we should be confdent in exactly who we are. Because, God created us to be exactly who we are. And that is a beautiful thing.

So, be Paul. Actually, be yourself. Share Christ with your friends. Share Christ with your family. Make Him known around your work place. Make Him known at your school. Shine the light of Christ around the dark places you know of. Be bold. Be bold for Christ.

God placed you where you are for a reason. Let God work through you. Allow God to work through you.

Today I pray that God will work through each and everyone of you. You are beautiful and strong. God will work through you. Allow Him.

"therefore, repent and turn back, so that your sins may be wiped out..." Acts 3:9

I'm going to start giving shout outs every blog! I don't have a lot of followers, but if you share my blog you may get a shout out. 

The first shout out is this sweet soul I met through Instagram, go give her a follow! Morgan Renee! 

 There will be a new shout out every blog, so share this blog and you may be next. 

This blog is $26 a month // if you are inspired by how God will use this support it by sharing this with a friend, looking at the shop, or by giving.