The Ten Year Challenge...

Okay, I get it. At first I thought it was the facebook challenge, but now it’s turned into the then year challenge… So, apparently everyone made a facebook during 2009, right?

Anyways, I thought it would be fun to talk to myself in 2009, if my 2019 23 year old self can talk to my 2009 13 year old self.

Ten things, Brianna.

One- The friends you have are mean to you, please surround yourself with people who love you. People who won’t make fun of what you believe and what you do in life.

Two- Boys are dumb. Trying to lose weight to make yourself look prettier is not the best. Stop doing 200 jumping jacks a night, get some rest.

Three- Family is so important. Don’t shut them out, let them know how your school life is really doing.

Four- Your best friend shouldn’t be ashamed to be seen with you. Her brother also shouldn’t be allowed to call you fat or ugly. It’s not okay. Because that is not who you are.

Five- Be proud of who you are. Don’t be ashamed of God or the music you listen too.

Six- Don’t let rumors get to you. There not true.

Seven- Spend more time in church. Get to know those people. They love you. Let them. Let them get to know the real you.

Eight- 13 is a rough age, but you will get through it. Drama isn’t the best, don’t let yourself get involved.

Nine- Don’t be afraid to wear as much pink as you want.

Ten- You are beautiful.


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Live Unashamed

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Do you really know what unashamed means? It means expressed or acting openly and without guilt or embarressment. Do we live for Christ unashamed? Sometimes, if I'm being honest I do not. 

When I was younger, I wasn't scared. I was fearless. I would dance, I would sing, I would do anything for Christ in public. Then, something changed. I had shame. I had shame from a porn addiction. I had shame from self harm. I had shame from an eating disorder. 

The shame created this hidden girl that was afraid to live for Christ. Because the enemy uses shame for just that. W e are not good enough for Christ and He doesn't want us. 

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When that is the complete opposite. 

When we got to Christ, He frees us from our shame. He rids us from our shame. 

When we fully run to Christ, we can feel the freedom to live unashamed. I fully think we should live for Him unashamed. Christ died for us in public, why hide Him in public? 

I don't know how you will do it. For me, it is dancing in public and singing. For me it is acting like a complete crazy person filled with joy. For you maybe, it's speaking about Jesus.

Whatever you do, live unashamed. Don't be afraid to be you. 

Thanks for reading this! Don't forget to read the devotional from today too! Follow my social meadis below! 

You Are Confident

So, lately I have been noticing the way I treat things. 

When new things come my way, I either lose confidence or just say I can't do that. But, today my views kind of changed. Like, yes it's hard, new things are always hard. But, since when can I not do something?

Sometimes we say we can't do them becuase we don't want to lose. But, losing isn't a bad thing. It's a learning experience. 

So, today I was at the gym listening to Steven Furtick, because that's how you get more confident in yourself. 

I was reminded that Christ is in me and I am confident. When we are truly walking in freedom knowing who we are in Christ, we can be confident knowing we can do it. 

You are strong. You are smart. You are kind. When God is on your side there is nothing you can't do.

You are so loved, friend.

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His Promises.

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I haven't blogged in a while, and to be honest it's because I haven't been inspired. But, I was reading Joshua 24 yesterday, and something hit me. 

"Not one of His promises has failed."

And I really feel like, at least for me, I fail a lot. So, I get in this mood, "why should I try to go after my calling when I know I'll fail." 

But, why do I think the God who never fails, will start with me? He won't fail.  And if we are following Him, He will fulfill our calling. We don't have to worry about failing.

And if we happen to fail a little bit, God will pick us up and continue to fulfill His plan.

The truth is, we have the power that raised Jesus back to life living inside of us. There is literally nothing stopping us other than our fear.

And, I know.

Anxiety is real. Depression is real. Addiction is real. But, so is Jesus. 

Walk in freedom knowing that Jesus is there. Walk in your calling knowing God has not failed once and we can rest in Him. There is no reason to have fear when we have the never failing God living inside of us. 

Let that sink in. 

"...none of the good promises the Lord your God made to you has failed. Everything was fulfilled for you; not one promise has failed." Joshua 23:14

Worship.

This last week I was thinking a lot about worship. 

This last week, was pretty exhausting. I worked 5 days in a row, 12 hours a day. So, the enery I had to really sit and read the Bible was at, like -1%.

But, I had a talk to myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself to read the Bible daily. Like, if I don't read the Bible, I am a dissappointment to God. 

But, do you think God wants me to half read the Bible? 

When you are tited, stop putting pressure on yourself to spend time with God. Just relax. God doesn't want to force us to spend time with Him. Just sit. Turn on some worship music and sit with Him.

I don't know if you know this, but God is everywhere. He isn't just in the church. He isn't just in your space where you spend time with Him. Take Him with you. Take Him to school. Take Him to work. He's already there. 

He just wants to hang out with you. 

 Worship Him today. 

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3 Years.

I feel so bad about not blogging the past month, but honestly that's okay. 

The past week I was dealing with temptations with my porn addiction, because well I felt lonely. And that's okay. God forgave me and His love is more powerful than anything in this world. 

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So, I'm writing this on my three years clean from self harming, which I celebrated by getting a new tattoo. (duh) And I can not be more amazed by my confidence to get it in my handwriting, makes it that more special. The words love and hope is something that I would always write on my wrists when I was going through my self harming addiction, so I can not be more grateful. 

Now, this is being uploaded on my three years of giving my life back to Christ. And that's the story I want to share. 

I remember sitting on my floor. I was holding, yet again a safety pin. I was ready just to say forget it, there's no point in trying to stay clean. Then, I got inspired to make a cross, in my room. I put it up and started writing verses and what God thought about me on it. I kneeled down and looked at it. 

Truth is, I knew deep down inside I could not stay clean without Christ. I knew I needed help. 

So, I reached out. I honestly believe if I did not reach out to Christ that day, I would not have gotten this far. I still have trouble today. Just because you are clean, doesn't mean you don't crave it sometimes. It's hard. It's hard seeing scars on someone. Because, sometimes I miss it. That's weird, I know.

But, sometimes I just feel so depressed, that I miss it. 

I once read a book, that I completely lost, but I remember this quote. "I may not be self harming, but I'll always be a self harmer." I always have to check myself. I sometimes pull my hair. I sometimes dig my nails into my skin. I sometimes bite the inside of my mouth. These may seem like nervous habits, nut in reality they could be considered a fill in. I'm not saying, I am not actully clean. I'm saying God is here, and He is cheering me on and always on my side.

The day that happened exactly three years ago, when I decided to drop the safety pin and reach out to Christ was one of the best moments in my life. 

Addictions are hard. I have had several. My self harm addiction. My eating disorder. My porn addiction. But, I can tell you, that God walked with me in all of them. If I reached out to Him or not, He was there. I can honestly tell you, the walking in your addiction with Christ is a lot easier without Christ. 

I'm not saying that you will be able to cut it out right away. 

The past three years, my porn addiction still went on. 

The addiction won't go away. But, God won't leave you. 

Lean to Him. And I promise you will start to crave Him and His word more than your addiction. 

Friend, you are so loved. 

And I just want to add, happy one year to www.playoninfinity.com! It's been so fun to have a place to write my thoughts. 

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God's Love

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The past few days, or the past week, God has just been challenging me. 

First, in 2018 my biggest goal is to read the whole Bible all the way through, let's just say in the past week I have read 29 chapters. I don't like to read. But, It has been teaching me a lot. 

Second, something that I have been doing is getting really into my worship music in the morning. And I mean getting up and having a dance party in the morning. Just because, God's grace is amzing and worth dancing about, am I right?

And lastly, I spoke about the porn addiction I once had. And I've spoke about it before in 2017, but this time, I did it without fear. Because in all honestly, people can think what they want to think, but God will always see me as loved.

Friends, this blog post isn't about how great my life is right now. It's about how much God loves you. 

Like, He loves you with no strings attached. He walks with you in your addictions. When I was stuck in my porn addiction, He looked at me with love and grace. There is nothing that I could have done to stop His love. When He looked at me, He saw Jesus taking the price. 

God is crazy about you. More than you think. It doesn't matter what you have done, or what you will do. He will never stop chasing after you. You are His child. You are His beloved. There is nothing else to it. 

God is love.

He is in love with you, friend.

I posted this on Instagram this past week, a cover of "Oh, How He Loves." Something that I love to do, is change the words. "Oh, how He loves us," to "Oh, how He loves me." Because, wow, He loves His church. But, He loves you. He loves me. 

Try it. See how things change.

He loves you friend. There's nothing else to it. 

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"New Year, New Me."

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It's January 2nd. The second day of 2018. 

So, let me guess, you passed by a fast food place and gt some so you failed right? 

After reading several "New Year, New Me" posts, I'm sure you made one too and everything you wrote, you either didn't mean, or you failed. It's always so stressful to start a new year, or even a new day with an attitude like that. Even if it's positive, you want to change to better you. But, it can be stressful.

So, I really hope you are staying on your diet, like I'm trying too... But, I do want to give you some encouragement. 

When we accept Christ into our life, we are a new person. We may not look any different, but we are a new creation. And sadly, sometimes the next day doesn't change. We may fall back into our old sins again. But, that doesn't change who we are, who we bacame. We are still forgiven. Now, we may just have a gut feeling that we did something really wrong. 

So, just because the first day of the year, you messed up already, it doesn't reflect who you are or how the rest of the year will go. I always have to remind myself that, everytime I slip up, taht mistake is not me. Just like the mistakes you make are not you.

So, with all this "New Year, New Me" going around, let's remember that we do not need to stress out over New Years Resolutions, and instead we can fall into God's grace that will be there day after day. 

So, this year, remember to breathe. Rember to take it day by day. Remember to love others, love yourself, and most importantly love Jesus.

You are so loved, and 2017 does not define who you are. Move forward, friend. 

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Thank you so much for reaading this! I took a little break from blogging, but I'm back! I pray 2018 is a good year for you, always here to pray and to love you.

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Find Your Thing.

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I don't know about you, but do you ever get those moments where you have these feelings you can't describe to anyone, because they just won't understand?

When I was in high school, I was in color guard. I was in color guard for a really long time in fact, middle school through high school. It's funny how I got into it, Ijust missed the drill team try out and my best friend at the time got mad at me. But, missing the drill team try out so I can try out for the "lame flag thing" was the best mistake I ever made. 

But anyways, there was this feeling I got after getting a toss that I have been practicing for weeks. It was the best feeling. So much joy and freedom all mixed together. When high school ended, I never thought I would feel that again. Color guard, it was my thing, my passion, the only thing I was good at. Which, is still kinda true. I say kinda, because God has shown me, I have many talents. But, color guard is still important to me.

This feeling though. I felt it again. I felt it when I finally got to the top of a really hard climb. But, I get it when I write. I get it when I find out something new about God. And I never noticed that. 

This feeling, it gets you excited. It encourages you to keep going. Because, you are in love with this thing and it is your passion. And sadly, sometimes we can't do it for a living. But, you just wish you could. 

I want to encourage you today. That whatever it is that makes you excited. Whatever makes your heart skip a beat. Do it. Chase that dream. Face your fears. God has given you some amazing talents. Don't let them go to waste. 

Whatever God has given you, use it. Use it to glorify His name, friend. 

Thank you so much for reading this! If you liked it, send it to a friend or two. 

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Rainbow.

Dear Jesus,

I lift up everyone who has clicked on this blog. Everyone that was led to read this, open their eyes, speak to them. Speak through my words, Lord Jesus. You are good and their is no one like you. And I just life up who ever came to this blog hurting today that You would just wrap Your arms around them and show them Your love today, Lord. You are good and we all need more of you.

Amen.

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Hi friend! I took a two week break from blogging and came back and had no idea what to blog. The book I am writting is almost done, one more chapter and I am so... well, stuck. But, I have a story to tell. It's about Sunday night. I have felt so lost and lonely lately, knowing that moving was God's plan for me and writing is God's plan for me, but feeling so hopeless at the moment. But, can I share a cool moment? 

So, Sunday night, I have been going to two churches praying about which one I should make my church home. I got my answer. I went to The Belonging on Sunday and I have been every other Sunday. I have to work every other weekend and The Belonging has a 7pm service. Perfect! 

So, I went in, rushing as always because my job is 19 minutes away. But, I sat down and this girl came and sat next to me. She told me her name, but I honestly couldn't hear because the music was so loud. (but, I asked her when the service was over and her name is Ruby! Hi Ruby, let's be friends.) Anyways, worship at this church always takes me back to summer camp days in high school because they are so powerful. So, we finish the last song and Ruby looks to me and starts speaking. 

(I don't remember exactly what she said, so bare with me. Also, I was crying my eyes out because I couldn't help it. Always a mess...)

"I just have to tell you what I saw when you were worshipping. I know that it wasn't just a thing that I sat next to you, it was for a reason. And I feel like God wanted me to tell you this. I saw you like at the end of the rainbow. I saw you like on top. The God has promised you something, but things keep getting in the way like what people have said or what you have said, but God is working. And God wants to fulfill His promise to you. I just saw you at the end of the rainbow so happy."

I literally just thought she was in my brain at this moment. She had no clue what I am going through right now. And it's crazy.

Then the sermon. Okay. First, their was a guest preacher, Jordan Rubin. If you haven't heard of him, go right now, look him up. He shared his story of faith and reminded me how important it is to have faith. You have to have faith that God will do the thing that He wants to do through you. Imagine the thing. Don't imagine being hurt. Because, as Jordan Rubin said we put our faith in things like fear, not God. 

Put your faith in God. Because, God will use you. He specializes in the broken things, because He knows how to put them back together. 

So, I don't know what you're gong through right now, but I didn't ask for any of this on Sunday night. And you may not be asking for any crazy God moments either. But, God knows us, and He knows exactly what we need to find purpose again. Because He is always fighting for us. He is always looking for us. He is not finished with us yet. Never lose hope. Imagine yourself on top. Imagine yourself on the other side of the rainbow. Don't be scared. God will fulfill His promise to you. 

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I trust." Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestlence, H eshall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your sheild and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day, nor of the prestilence that walks in darkness, nor the destruction that lays waste at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; but it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes you shall look, and see the reward of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, even the Most High your dwelling place. No evil shall befall you, nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; for He shall give you His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon a lion and the cobra, the young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. "Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliverhim and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him My salvation."

Psalm 91

Thank you for reading this, and if somehow Ruby is reading this, thank you for being so bold to have Jesus speak through you. You have no idea how much I needed to hear those words. 

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