So, I decided that I want to write my testimony out right here. For a couple of resons:
-It's the first week this blog is up.
-Another way for my friends (all of you!) can get to know me.
-A way for me to be open to all of you.
-And sharing your testimony is important, so friends, share yours!
So, here we go!
I grew up being a Christain. I have the best Godly parents in the world, shout out to God for giving them to me. I grew up with no problems and I loved God and my life.
I was slightly bullied growing up in elementry school, middle school, and high school. But, I never thought it was that bad until high school. In elementry school, I ignored the, "your ugly and fat" comments. Because, I knew that God loved me. In middle school I tried to find the cool friends, the cool people. But, when your 'friends' are the ones saying your fat and ugly, it gets harder. So, in high school, I didn't try to make friends. I tried to stay alone. The only thing I had was color guard, really. But, we are not here to talk about color guard.
In high school, I didn't have a lot of firends and I did try to stay alone. I still continued to go to church and youth group and camps and everything about God. I remember a specific day. I was a sophmore in high school. It was the day after winter camp 2012, I went to school and I felt alone. I wasn't on a high for Jesus like people are after they go to a winter or summer camp. I cried at school, and someone asked me what was wrong, I had no clue. That moment, I flet numb. Near the end of my sophmore I felt worse. I felt alone, sad all the time, confused, and hurt. So, I didn't feel like God was there, so I left.
The rest of my high school life, I wasn't really into God. I flet alone. I knew somethng was wrong. The summer of 2012 I started cutting. I also started skipping meals. I continued all of that through out high school. It's the only things that made me feel something.
I was going to church, Bible studies, and trying to love God, but it was nothing, I was faking it. The only time I would pray to God is to ask Him to take me home, or if it was time. I was having a really hard time in life. I did not want to live.
Fast foward to my senior year, the end of it in 2014. One night I just really wanted to end it, God told me to open my Bible. First I called Him crazy, then somehow I was getting out of my bed and I opened it to Job.
"Why did I not die at birth? Why did I not perish when I came from the womb?" (Job 3:11)
I hated reading that, but I kept reading.
"Behold, happy is the man whom God corrects; Therefore do not despise the chastening of the Almighty. For He bruises, but He binds up; He wounds, but His hands make whole." (Job 5:17-18)
Still, the next morning, nothing was different. The first year of college was worse, but on Febuary 13 2015, I knew something needed to be done. I stopped cutting, but I knew something else needed to happen. I needed to let God be in control. So, I did. I gave Him control of my life.
And yes, my walk with God still needs work. In the summer of 2016, I became single, and I wanted so many times to walk away. I wanted to so many times to cut. Truth is, when I started the relationship in 2015, I should not have started it. But, a boy liked me and I liked him, so it was okay? But, my relationship with God was not stong enough. So, when I was in the relationship, I made that love story higher than God's. I see that now, but when it ended, I blamed God. I hated everything and I hurt a lot of people around me.