Rainbow.

Dear Jesus,

I lift up everyone who has clicked on this blog. Everyone that was led to read this, open their eyes, speak to them. Speak through my words, Lord Jesus. You are good and their is no one like you. And I just life up who ever came to this blog hurting today that You would just wrap Your arms around them and show them Your love today, Lord. You are good and we all need more of you.

Amen.

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Hi friend! I took a two week break from blogging and came back and had no idea what to blog. The book I am writting is almost done, one more chapter and I am so... well, stuck. But, I have a story to tell. It's about Sunday night. I have felt so lost and lonely lately, knowing that moving was God's plan for me and writing is God's plan for me, but feeling so hopeless at the moment. But, can I share a cool moment? 

So, Sunday night, I have been going to two churches praying about which one I should make my church home. I got my answer. I went to The Belonging on Sunday and I have been every other Sunday. I have to work every other weekend and The Belonging has a 7pm service. Perfect! 

So, I went in, rushing as always because my job is 19 minutes away. But, I sat down and this girl came and sat next to me. She told me her name, but I honestly couldn't hear because the music was so loud. (but, I asked her when the service was over and her name is Ruby! Hi Ruby, let's be friends.) Anyways, worship at this church always takes me back to summer camp days in high school because they are so powerful. So, we finish the last song and Ruby looks to me and starts speaking. 

(I don't remember exactly what she said, so bare with me. Also, I was crying my eyes out because I couldn't help it. Always a mess...)

"I just have to tell you what I saw when you were worshipping. I know that it wasn't just a thing that I sat next to you, it was for a reason. And I feel like God wanted me to tell you this. I saw you like at the end of the rainbow. I saw you like on top. The God has promised you something, but things keep getting in the way like what people have said or what you have said, but God is working. And God wants to fulfill His promise to you. I just saw you at the end of the rainbow so happy."

I literally just thought she was in my brain at this moment. She had no clue what I am going through right now. And it's crazy.

Then the sermon. Okay. First, their was a guest preacher, Jordan Rubin. If you haven't heard of him, go right now, look him up. He shared his story of faith and reminded me how important it is to have faith. You have to have faith that God will do the thing that He wants to do through you. Imagine the thing. Don't imagine being hurt. Because, as Jordan Rubin said we put our faith in things like fear, not God. 

Put your faith in God. Because, God will use you. He specializes in the broken things, because He knows how to put them back together. 

So, I don't know what you're gong through right now, but I didn't ask for any of this on Sunday night. And you may not be asking for any crazy God moments either. But, God knows us, and He knows exactly what we need to find purpose again. Because He is always fighting for us. He is always looking for us. He is not finished with us yet. Never lose hope. Imagine yourself on top. Imagine yourself on the other side of the rainbow. Don't be scared. God will fulfill His promise to you. 

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I trust." Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the perilous pestlence, H eshall cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you shall take refuge; His truth shall be your sheild and buckler. You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day, nor of the prestilence that walks in darkness, nor the destruction that lays waste at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, and ten thousand at your right hand; but it shall not come near you. Only with your eyes you shall look, and see the reward of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, even the Most High your dwelling place. No evil shall befall you, nor shall any plague come near your dwelling; for He shall give you His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. In their hands they shall bear you up, lest you dash your foot against a stone. You shall tread upon a lion and the cobra, the young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot. "Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will deliverhim and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him My salvation."

Psalm 91

Thank you for reading this, and if somehow Ruby is reading this, thank you for being so bold to have Jesus speak through you. You have no idea how much I needed to hear those words. 

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God Knew

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God knew.

He knew the first time I was going to look up porn.

He knew the first time I would cut myself.

He knew the first time I would skip a meal.

He knew the first time I would hurt someone and make them feel bad for who they are.

He knew that I would have anxiety and depression.

He knew that I would make friends who would bring me down.

He knew that I would have idols.

He knew all my sins, before I was tempted. But, He didn't stop them from happenening. I think that's our question all the time. Is why didn't God stop it, we wouldn't have our pain. It makes since. If God is good, why didn't He stop our sin?

God, He is a God of love. He doesn't make us love Him. It's our choice. Our sin hurts us, and breaks His heart. But, He isn't going to stand in the way. He will let us decide. But, He knew.

I want to shine a light on this though.

He knew that I would be open to talk about ladies struggling with pornography.

He knew that I would one day encourage someone struggling with self harm.

He knew that my body would heal and I would become healthy.

He knew that I would learn from what I did wrong and I would never want to hurt someone again.

He knew that my anxiety and depression would move me to create PlayOnInfinity.

He knew that one day I would see what friends I had and that I would get strength from Him to find better friends. 

He knew that my idols would become nothing to me, and He would become everything to me.

He knows what sin and pain we go through before we go through it, but He also knows how He is going to use that very thing to bring us closer to Him. We have a powerful story because of the things we have been through. They weren't fun. But, when we struggle, we see the beauty of God more and more. 

See your story. See why God didn't stop you. See His never ending love for you. 

Thank you so much for reading this. If God spoke to you, send it to a friend. // to follow my social medias, YouTube, what I am a rep for, how to support me, and getting updates on my blog, click the link below. 

 

 

 

The Rock On Which I Stand

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So, I did something.

I started going to the gym. But, not just any old clasic gym, a rock climbing gym. And let me tell you, it is pretty crazy.

First, I am terrified of heights. Like, really scared. But, I am getting really excited to to start getting over this fear and trying new things.

Second, I have no upper arm strength whats so ever. I mean, I used to because of color guard, but I have not spun any equipment in so long. So, my arms are feeling... well... good...

But, here I am telling you all I am trying new things and getting over my fears. I want to encourage you all to get over your fears. 

You know what fear does? It causes you to have faith. God is a rock. He won't move and He won't hurt you. He won't play games with your hert and if He tells you to go for something, go for it. Don't let what your fear is telling you stop you from doing something amazing. 

You are amazing.

You want to know the main thing why people aren't speaking boldly and spreading God's love? Fear. Fear of not being cool or being of being an outcast. Don't be scared. God is a rock. He won't move and He is always with you.

I feel like rock climbing is really making me think about trust and faith and how important it is when we are believers. If I don't have trust in the rope, than I won't climb because I will probably fall on my face. If I don't have faith in myself that I can do a move on the wall, than I'll fall and if I don't trust my fall, than I'll probably be glued to the wall.

So, try something new. Go tell your friends about Jesus. Go move. Fear has no control over you, faith is everything and will always win fear. 

Let God move through you.

Go. Be you. Be fearless.

I have been giving shout outs every blog and this week it goes to a sweet soul, Ally! She is such  a sweet friend and I love her bunches! She has a blog and you should read it!

If this spoke to you in anyway, send it to a friend.

Click the link below to find all my social medias, how to give/support me, where you can get a disscount from, where to get text updates from me, and my YouTube channel. 

What Are You Serving?

Let me get this off my chest for a second, sometimes I serve fame. I want likes on instagram and my blog. Even though I'm doing it for good, to get Christ's name out for the broken, sometimes I am guilty of wanting fme more than God.

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So, here it goes.

What are you serving? It could be anything.

Fame? Money? Drugs? What are you selling your life for.

The ending of our lives, Christ isn't going to look at our fame, or money, or what drugs we didd to fit in. He is going to look at our heart. Did we live for Him. Or did we not. What are you living for? 

Are you living for your friends approval? Do you want your friends to be your friends because you buy them food all the time because you have so much money? Here's a news flash, you have approval from Christ. And you don't need any other approval.

I just finished Acts, and it was really good. And here's what I saw in Paul. He was bold. He did not sit down and wait for other people to speak about God. He was thrown in jail multiple times because of his preaching. But, he didn't care. He was not going to stop what God called him to do. Not for fame, money, or friendships. 

What are you building in your mansion?

I want to challenge you this week. It's Tuesday. This week, I want you to follow Christ. I want you to listen what He wants you to do. I want you to listen to what He wants you to give up. It may be hard to listen, so you might want to open your Bible. 

Be bold about your faith. Know what you are serving. 

Are you serving God? Or yourself? 

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another in love."

Galatians 5:13

I started giving shout outs to people who support me and this blog // today my shout out goes to a sweet soul, founder of daughters of the deep (which I some for!!), Cassandra Gay.

If you are inspired by what I write be sure to look at the shop, share this blog with a friend, or give below!

Let God Work

Right now, most of my prayers are asking God to work. To work through me.

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I've  been going through Acts, and I love Paul. I love the way he speaks and how bold he is. He isn't afraid of getting thrown in jail for speaking about Christ. He just wants to speak about His Savior. Isn't that wonderful? 

I believe we all need to be more like Paul. I believe we all need to be more confident and bold. Be bold. Seek Jesus. Be with Jesus. Be bold enough to speak about Him when there is so much evil in this world. 

Being bold, starts with being confident. I beleive they have the same meanings. But, confidence, I believe is not only having confidence in you, but having a confidence in God. Trusting that He will work and He can work through you. Having the confidence in God that He is God and He is in control. Also, having the confidence in God that He is good, and He is always good. Having the confidence, that even a no from God, is good. He is always good.

We also need confidence in ourselves. Rembering that we are fearlessly and wonderfully made and God loves us. He loves us more thn anything. And we should be confdent in exactly who we are. Because, God created us to be exactly who we are. And that is a beautiful thing.

So, be Paul. Actually, be yourself. Share Christ with your friends. Share Christ with your family. Make Him known around your work place. Make Him known at your school. Shine the light of Christ around the dark places you know of. Be bold. Be bold for Christ.

God placed you where you are for a reason. Let God work through you. Allow God to work through you.

Today I pray that God will work through each and everyone of you. You are beautiful and strong. God will work through you. Allow Him.

"therefore, repent and turn back, so that your sins may be wiped out..." Acts 3:9

I'm going to start giving shout outs every blog! I don't have a lot of followers, but if you share my blog you may get a shout out. 

The first shout out is this sweet soul I met through Instagram, go give her a follow! Morgan Renee! 

 There will be a new shout out every blog, so share this blog and you may be next. 

This blog is $26 a month // if you are inspired by how God will use this support it by sharing this with a friend, looking at the shop, or by giving.

Prayers For Your Future Love

So, this post is for all my single ladies... and men.

Hi, so I'm single. Who else is? Being single in this day and age can be so lonely. Being single in this day and age can make you feel like an outcast, almost like you are just weird. Well, I want you to know you're not alone. There is other single people. I know, where are they?

This week, I was feeling lonely, I had this whole plan to be married by like, 25. And I'm 22 now, where is my soon to be husband? Like, God, hello? And I have heard of praying for your future love right now. So, guess what I did. I got a notebook. And I started praying and writing him letters. 

It's always going to be rough living this life as a single. There are temptations, there is lonliness, and there's stalking your ex on social media wondering if you made a mistake am I right? But, whenever you feel like that, I challenge you to pray for your future love. And I'm not saying, "please, Jesus allow me to meet Him this second," or, "please let this cute boy be my the person I marry." I mean, pray for them. Pray that their walking with the Lord, pray that their seeking the Lord, pray that they are waiting for you. And if thet aren't pray for redemption and grace to come to them, pray that they find the Lord and they know all the love that God has for them. 

This can be hard, but I want to give you something to think about. Think about your future love praying for you, so excited to meet you one day, can't wait to forever be in love with you. I am waiting for that. And I will continue to pray for my future love.

I'm not sure what the purpose was for this random thought blog post, but I do want to say, it is hard to be single in this day and age, but chase after God. He will give you everything you need. He is there for you and He loves you more than anything. He wants to be your friend. Be His friend. You are so important to Him.

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Dear Friend

Hi, I have something to share. I shared this on my Instagram the other week, and also my YouTube. This is something that I want to start being more open about because, this is a sin that is so common today. We have Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, Movies, TV Shows, we are just one click or step away from this sin. 

Porn. 

I was addicted to watching porn.

I was exposed to sex at a really young age and of course, just flipping through the TV shows, and there it was. Of course, this confused little girl did not want to tell anyone what she just saw. She also thought she would just forget about it. But, she didn't.

I started fantisying and watching things I never should have clicked on. Some of the images are stuck in my brain. Some of it is just hard to get rid of.

But, I want to share some scary things. Any sexual sin, it will kill you. Levi Lusko is one of my favorite pastors and his book "Swipe Right," has a lot of good things in it. One of my favorite things he said was, sex outside of marrige isn't just a sin against God, but also yourself. A part of you leaves. A part of you is different. A part of you is hurt. It's hard to get rid of. 

"Having a sex drive, isn't the problem, allowing sex to drive is the problem." -Levi Lusko

We all desire sex in one way or another. If we're straight, or if we are gay. Everyone desires sex. It's a gift from God. We are human, but we abuse it. Porn, sex outside of marrige, same sex (I promise, I love all of you, and I will never judge you and God is fighting for you, my job is to share Christ's love), we abuse sex. We take it all for ourselves. When it's purpose is to be in a marrige between a man and a women. 

Any kind of sex sin addiction is hard to crack. satan knows how to get to us. Movies, TV shows, YouTube, Instagram, it's all over the place. 

So, I have some advice. Talk to someone. Get help, it will kill you. It will hurt you.

I have some special advice to all my ladies out there. You are not alone. Never. I know when pastors talk about this sin, they talk to the men. I hear it. "Men be careful, come to this event." I get it. You feel ashamed because maybe, you feel more wrong. But, you aren't alone. I am here for you. Talk to someone.

People will love you for who you are. I can't tell you how much support I have gotten after posting this is Instagram. It'll be okay. And if someone turns on you, guess what. They don't know how great God's grace is. Because God will never turn His back on you.

He's fighting for you.

Wait for the one. Pray for them. Start praying for them. 

For those who are asking, I'm not perfect and I stumble. But, I'm okay. I don't watch movies that often, unless thier Disney or Godly related. I also try not to watch TV shows with crazy things and I'm very careful on any social medias. I have to discipline myself. I encourage you too. What sounds better, missing a weekend with your friends because their seeing a movie with sex, or spending the next month trying to erase what you saw in the movie?

Sexual sin is hard. But, God is powerful and He is fighting for us all. 

He has grace for you. 

This blog is $26 a month // if you are inspired by my words share this blog and support me // 

It's My Birthweek!

Yup.

It's my birthweek. So, you guessed it, the two blog posts this week, will have to do with. Yup. My birthday. But, I mean, that's not a bad thing.... ANYWAYS, today I want to share my 22 favorite Bible verses with you all. Because, yup, you guessed it, I'll be 22 on Friday! Makes since? Yes. et's do this. 

1. "For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3:3

2. "When Jesus heard that, He said, "This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it." John 11:4

3. "Behold, happy is the man whom God corrects; Therefore do not despise the chastening of the Almighty. For He bruises, but He binds up; He wounds, but His hand makes whole." Job 5:17-18 (Big shoutout to these verses because they are so important to my testimony.) 

4. "O Lord, I pray, please let Your ear be attentive to the prayer of Your servant and to the prayer of Your servants who desire to fear Your name; and let Your servant prosper this day, I pray, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man. For I was the king's cupbearer." Nehemiah 1:11 (ALL the heart eyes for Nehemiah.)

5. "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26

6. "And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma." Epesians 5:2 

7. "Look among the nations and watch - be utterly astounded! For I will work a work in your days, which you would not believe though it were told to you." Habakkuk 1:5

8. "This is love, that we walk in love according to His commandments. This is the commandment, that as you have heard from the beginning, you should walk in it." 2 John 1:6 

9.  "For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world - our faith." 1 John 5:4

10. "For, do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

11. "And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13 

12. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus." Romans 3:23-24 

13. "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." James 1:2-3 

14. "But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angles for the suffering of death crowned with glory and honor, that He, by the grace of God might taste death for everyone." Hebrews 2:9

15. "That you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world." Philippians 2:15 

16. "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19 (Needed one more from Philippians because my most favorite! It's the book of JOY so go read it!!)

17. "Fear not, O land; be glad and rejoice, for the Lord has done marvelous things!" Joel 2: 21

18. "Strngth and honor are her clothing; she will rejoice in time to come." Proverbs 31:25

19. "Also do not take to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. For many times, also, your own heart has known that even you have cursed others." Ecclesiastes 7:21-22

20. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

21. "The Lord is merciful and gracious slow to anger, and abounding in mercy." Pslam 103:8 

22. "You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden." Matthew 5:14

Wow, if you are at the end, thank you for reading all of this. Now, it's time for you to chose, what 22 thing should I share with you all on #SelfLoveSaturday this week?!

-Things I have done to help love myself more

-Favorite worship songs

-Other??? Message me! 

Aaaaaaand a great birthday gift is if you all supported me by sharing this blog to your friends! This blog, is $26 a month, and if you are inspired with how God uses me, please help me keep it up!

Suffering? You Are Blessed.

If we suffer down here because we know Christ, I want you to know you are blessed. 

What? Blessed? If I was blessed, God would take all this suffering away. I get you. I do.

But, you are blessed. Jesus went through so much pain for us. Jesus was put on a cross to die for us. If we speak God's name, people will hate us, it's a fact. People are scared to hear Jesus' name. Their scared of how powerful He is.

People will hurt us. They will test us. But, we will get stronger because of it. We will be better followers of Christ. We will grow with Christ. 

"Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the firey trial which is to try you, as through some strange thing happened to you:

but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy." 1 Peter 4:12-13

Rejoice when you suffer, firends! Rejoice that you have a hope that none of the haters you have, have. You have a living hope. You have love. So, friends, rejoice! You are blessed. Christ trusts you in the place where you are to bring you sufferings. Sufferings that will help you grow and become stronger. Sufferings that will be apart of your story. Sufferings you can share with non believers and hope they can see and have the same light you have. 

You are blessed.

"But even if you should suffer righteousness, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear or be intimidated." 

1 Peter 3:14

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In The Waiting

Who is in the waiting game?

Who is asking God all these questions and they are still waiting for an answer?

Friend, I understand. You are not alone.

Praying for something you really 'need', and you don't know if God is there listening with you. Or you don't know when God will answer your prayers, or how. But, He listens. And He will answer. But, maybe you just need to wait and trust Him. Maybe just be still. 

I know, easier said and done. Why can't God just answer rigt now? And oh yeah, let it be my way. Go exactly the way I want. 

Doesn't always happen. 

Let me give you some hope today, firend. I was reading Habakkuk (Huh-bah-cook, not sure if anyone was like me, because I had no idea how on how to say it....) this last week and it was so good for my soul. I know someone out there can use a little hope on their prayers too. 

So, first let me give you some background, things in this book, aren't going well. There is voilence everywhere. There is some craziness going on. There is just a lot of wikedness. Sound fimilar? 

When I read chapter one I literally felt like I needed to read it, because I don't like what's happening in the world. It makes my heart hurt. But, than I read verse 1:5 and just got so much hope. 

"For I will work a work in your days, Which you would not believe though it were told to you." Habakkuk 1:5

Doesn't that just give you so much hope? We don't know the future. We don't know how our prayers will be answered. But, I praise that Jesus holds my future. I praise that Jesus will answer prayers. Keep that in mind. Keep praying. Keep moving. 

"Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation." 

Habakkuk 3:18

 Thanks for reading this, be sure to share this with a friend! 

This blog is $26 a month to keep it up // if you like what I write help me continue this blog 

God Will Always Provide

Hi! It's been forever and a day. Because, I moved! 

And before I start this whole spill, I can tell you I did have doubts about my whole dream of moving to Nashville, let's see. 

"Will I really survive?"

"Can I even get down there without dying or going crazy?"

"This is nuts, I should just give up."

But, let me tell you, God's plan and timing > your doubts.

This last crazy week, was me driving across the country, meet my roommate, get everything moved into my apartment, and say goodbye to my parents. It's been crazy and I needed to put my whole trust in Christ. Do you know how hard that is? I can barely do that when I'm taking a test... And I know there is a 99.9% I am not alone on this.

It is hard to trust Gods plan. 

I can tell you moving to Nashville has always been a dream of mine. A lot of planning went in to it, and I still freaked out for the most part. 

But, God provides. And He always will.

Let me tell you why.

My 15 year old car survived a trip from California to Tennessee.

The move in to the aoartment went really well.

My parents supplied me with so much for my very first apartment.

I had two interviews this week for jobs and got offered both jobs.

The last one. I honestly didn't think I would find a job until August... Or I was all out of money. But, there. Right there. If it's God's plan, He will provide. 

Sunday, June 18th, I listened to something Steven Furtick said and it helped me and reminded me of God's greatness, "The sign that you're in the right place, is that I will provide where ever I position you." God will provide, in hurt, brokenness, losing a job, economy problems, He will provide. And I can clearly see that.

So, here is some hope for you today, what ever you are going through, God will provide. 

PS:

This blog is $26 a month, it might get hard for me to keep it up sometimes, so if you would like to give to help me keep PlayOnInfinity going, please give! 

Share this with a friend to remind them Christ will provide. 

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me.
Lord, your faithful love endures forever;
do not abandon the work of your hands. // Psalms 138:8

Rest

Time to be honest here.

Do you rest? 

And I don't mean, do you rest, because that would be a no from... all of us. But, I mean do you rest in Christ. Do you give everything to Him and you just sit. Or do you yourself try to be God. 

Most of the time, if I'm honest, I do not rest in God. I'm doing everything and anything to make sure it gets done, when God is just saying, rest. Give me all of that and rest. 

Yeah, I hear you God, but that is so hard, right? 

But here's what I want you to try to do, and believe me, I'm doing this with you. Because God has been speaking to me about rest for awhile now. 

First, whatever you are trying to handle on your own, take it off and hand it to Christ. 

Second, just pray. Ask God to help ou with all these things. He is able. He is good. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. 

And lastly, rest. 

It sounds easy, but it's not. It's really hard to just rest in God and just know He has it under control. 

But, I pray for all of us as we try to rest in Him as this week continues. He loves you and He wants you to rest and just trust that He has this. 

"Come to Me, all you are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 

I Have A Question For You

Yes, you. If you're reading this, keep reading.

A couple of days ago at work, I was exhausted. I mean, that happens.

But, it got me thinking. God provides right? He does. He does everything. He is in control of everyting. So, why do I worry so much.

Let me explain, I can say outloud, to my friends, to mysaelf, I can write it in my journal, "God will provide." But, five minutes, maybe even five seconds later, here I am making a list of everything I need to do so, life will be good.

"I need to work this many hours so I can make sure this gets done."

"I need to find a boyfriend so I can get married and have a bunch of babies."

"I need to follow this many people on social media so I can have this many followers."

Whoa. Wait a minute. Didn't I just say, "God will provide."

It's hard to fully put all your trust in God. I know, trust is one of the things I am just not good at. But, here is my question:

Are you working to build yourselves as kings, or are you working to build God's kingdom?

Here's the thing, God has you in a specific place. He has you right where you are needed. If you start doing your job, for yourself, it won't work out. You will get exhausted. You were not made to control everything in your life. Jesus is strong enough to provide for you. He is enough. You don't need to work that hard.

Take rest. 

Stop putting it in your hands. Put it in God's hands. 

Build God's kingdom. Don't build yourself up as kings. 

"Do not overwork to be rich; Because of your own understnding, cease! Will you set your eyes on that things tht are not? For the riches certainly make themselves wings; they fly away like an eagle toward Heaven." Proverbs 23:4-5

It's Okay To Be Broken

This goes out to everyone who is going through something right now. 

This is for everyone who is a little broken.

It's okay to be broken.

It's even an honor. 

Sometimes we need to be broken to come to Jesus. That's not a bad thing. We all have sin, and we all have a sin that hold us from coming to Jesus. And, maybe that's pride and the fact that we don't want help. But, God breaks us, so we have nothing else, but to fall on Him.

We are strong. 

 

Believe that.

God trusts us enough to completly break us. Where we are so hurt we don't want to feel anything. But, He breaks us.

He breaks us so that we can find joy in Him.

He breaks us so that we can find the love in Him.

He breaks us so we can learn we can't do it alone. 

I know it hurts. But, God is with you. He won't leave. He is going to stay until the end. He loves you. He won't give you something you can't handle. Pinky promise. 

So, let me leave you with this, it sucks to be broken, but something beautiful will come out of this. God will be glorified. You are strong.

"Behold, happy is the man God corrects, Therefore do nott despise the chasting of the almighty. For He bruises, but He binds up; He wounds, but His hands make whole." Job 5:17-18

It Is Well

Let me be the first to tell you if you haven't heard, life sucks sometimes.

There's break ups, fights, death, hurt, scars, failures, we hurt a lot on this earth. Sometimes we find it so hard to trust and love God when it feels like it's just one thing after another.

One of the hardest worship songs to sing sometimes is, "It is well with my soul," because sometimes, it just doesn't feel well. 

But, if we believe in God and He sent His son to die for us, it is well with our soul. When we die, we will go to Heaven.

God is on our side. And if life doesn't work out the way we want it to, God is still on our side. Let's praise Hime for that.

"God when You choose to leave mountains unmovable, oh, give me the strength to sing, it is well with my soul." -MercyMe

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Dear Internet Friends

Dear Internet Friends, 

I don't know what conversation started our friendship. I'm not sure what social media site we met on. I'm not sure how we even became so close. 

But, I'm so thankful for you. I'm so thankful for what obsession brought us together and I can't wait until I get to meet you.

I'm sorry I'm a terrible texter.

I'm sorry I hate talking on the phone.

I'm sorry for getting awkward when we FaceTime.

I'm sorry for not being more intrested in your life, I promise I am, but like I said, I'm a terrible texter. 

I'm sorry we aren't closer together when you're having a hard night. I wish I could be there right by your side telling you it'll be okay. 

But, thank you for always being on my side.

Thank you for listening to me when I feel like I have no one. 

Thank you for never judging me.

Thank you for having the same crazy obsessions as me.

Thank you for telling me to watch crazy emotional TV shows like Grey's Anatomy. (#help) Not to mention Glee and Gilmore Girl's... (Luke's Diner, love you girls xoxo, Emily Gilmore) 

Thank you for putting me in a group chat where I have met some of the most amazing people and best friends.

Every one of my internet friends, you have completly changed my life. You have showed me grace, love, kindness, and friendship. You have showed me it's okay to be myself. I don't think I could have made it this far without you. 

I can tell you anything, heck. I've told you everything, boy problems, drama, life, school, and you have never once judged me. You talked me through it and listened to Carrie Underwood with me. 

If you have an internet firnd, you are lucky. I am blessed to have so many amazing ones who are forever by my side. I'm forever on your side. 

I promise. 

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Run Away

We have so much anxiety and depression consuming us and I think I know why.

We sit in it.

We rest in it.

Our thoughts go to it.

We sit in the presence of anxiety and depression too long. 

Run away.

Run as fast as you can. You do not want to be in the presence of this for too long. It will in fact, bring you under. You are sitting in the presence of satan; he wants you to stay where you are. He does not want you to leave.

He is celebrating. So, run away. 

Run to your Savior and lay everything down at His feet. 

Find friendship and music to help you run away. 

You are worth more than being in the presence of satan, he does not deserve you. 

Run away.

And when satan reminds you of your anxieties, remind him of his future. He can not hurt you. 

Jesus rose from the grave. Death is dead. Satan has nothing on you. 

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But, take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

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Dear Ex

Dear Ex, 

I'm sorry I wasn't the best girlfriend. I know I could have been more encouraging, not only for you, but also for your relationship with Christ. I'm sorry I have a lot of trust issues, I've been hurt a lot. I'm sorry I got jealous a lot and I'm sorry I never let you in. I'm sorry I never really expressed who I really was and told you about the wars in my head, but honestly, I never let God in. 

When we started dating it was right when I gave my life back to Christ and I was barely 4 months clean from self harm. I wasn't ready. But, I liked you. You liked me. We both loved Jesus like crazy, I thought it was okay. But, I wasn't ready. I made our love story more important than my love story that was already written for me, my relationship with Jesus. That's not your fault, I wanted to feel loved and that's why I did it. 

I'm sorry for hurting you. But, I was hurt fighting the wars in my head when we broke up. I was confused and hurt. I saw you every Sunday, and it killed me. I wasn't walking with Christ right when we broke up, I was walking with my anxiety and that's a dangerous road. It got me here. 

You not talking to me. You not able to look at me. And you not able to be my friend.

But, I don't blame you, I wouldn't want to be my friend either. 

I forgive you for hurting me. I forgive you. You don't know what you said when you said it, but it cut deep. I forgive you for the looks you give me. I forgive you because through this hot mess of my life, God continues to forgive me. You are so loved by our Father. He has forgiven you, I will forgive you. 

We are both children of God. And that's a beautiful thing. 

Thank you for the memories and for being my only first boyfriend. 

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Being Alone

Being alone sucks. Like, really sucks. 

But, being where I am in life, focusing on my relationship with God, instead of finding myself a cute boy to fall in love so I can get married. 

Sometimes God just wants to take that away for us to notice the He is the only one who will accept us, love us, forgive us, and want us. 

Sometimes we need to learn it's okay not to have anyone else, but God showing us these things. 

 

 

Although, it still hurts, our waiting will be worth it. I chose to stop searching for love, and instead I chose to reach out to love. Reach out to the one who saves and who loves. And one day, maybe I will know a man down here who will accept me, love me, forgive me, and wants me. But, for right now, it's okay that the only man doing so is God.

So, stop searching for love. Stop stalking your instagram crush, stop stalking your ex. And reach out for love. 

The love that died for you. 

The love that now only accepts you for who you are, but wants to see you better yourself. 

This is better than any kind of earthly love. Pinky Promise.

"The eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food in due time. You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing." Psalm 145:15-16

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